Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
