and she was petting her beer can
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
