She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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