so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
