$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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