In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
