singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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