She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
