I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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