Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
