he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
