I'm eating all of the evidence.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
