all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
