She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
