It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
