Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize