Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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