My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize