You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
