My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize