I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Two words: blizzard sex
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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