I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
