u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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