I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
