Ambien. No doubt about it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
