their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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