btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
