just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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