I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Boobs are out for the taking
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
