my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize