Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
