I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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