forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
pray to the hookup gods
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
