I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
