I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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