I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
