i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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