ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
