the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
