Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
