my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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