I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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