I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
