you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
