My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
