New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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