I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
