I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
