I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The power of my boobs compel you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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