So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I need moral support for this bender
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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