It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
