i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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