I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
