Three words: puerto rican gang bang
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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