we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
