Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
