Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
His nipple licking is glorious
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