there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
