Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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