So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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