If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
