Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
soo... how was my night?
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