Slut skills are useful in every country.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
