still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
