i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
