He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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