You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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