I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so let's talk penis.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
