There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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