is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We had sex on a dog bed..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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