He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
